Three tips for a more peaceful divorce mediation

Have a more peaceful divorce mediation by knowing how to:

1. talk more peacefully
2. let go of anger
3. restore inner peace

In each moment we have a chance to make our words, thoughts, and lives more peaceful.

How to talk more peacefully in divorce mediation

Try one or more of these tips:

• Talk without blaming. Avoid blame when talking with your husband or wife. Blame almost always rides with anger in divorce. Blaming makes a peaceful divorce less likely.
• Talk about the future, not the past. Avoid getting stuck in the rut of arguing about past wrongs. Focus on what to do, or try to do, in the future.
• Don't make threats. Don't threaten to go to court. Avoid talk about hiring a divorce lawyer to fight. Apologize right away if a threat slips out. Keep to the path of peace!

Listening is important too! Try one or more of these tips for a more peaceful mediation divorce:

• Stop talking (for awhile). Give your spouse time to speak. Pausing to listen does not mean that you agree with what they are saying. In divorce mediation, you will have plenty of time to respond.
• Listen to understand. Listen carefully, to really understand what your spouse is saying. Even if you heard it before, listening with your full attention helps them to feel respected and understood, which has a calming effect.
• Listen without reacting. Be aware of your facial expressions and posture. Let your body language be as peaceful and non-threatening as possible.

How to let go of anger in divorce mediation

Anger leads to bad things in divorce. It makes us say and do things just to punish our spouse. This feeds a cycle of growing anger and defensiveness in divorcing spouses. Almost all expensive courtroom divorces are fueled by anger.

Anger is like a hot coal that we pick up to throw at the other person. It burns both of us. When divorcing wives and husbands see this truth, they can let go of anger right away.

Nobody wants to be angry forever. It is up to each of us to decide how long to hold on to anger. Letting go of anger is a gift we give ourselves.

Trying divorce mediation can help divorcing husbands and wives let go of anger. In divorce mediation we focus on problem solving, which tends to calm strong emotions.

How to restore inner peace during a mediation divorce

Peace starts with you. Be sure to restore joy, compassion, kindness, and balance in your body and mind every day. Don't wait until the divorce is done. Here are some ideas to try:

• exercise a bit more
• laugh a lot more
• practice compassion by helping someone else who is in need
• deepen your spiritual practice
• learn something new
• get enough rest
• release addictions

Divorce mediation for you and your spouse

Consider sharing this website with your spouse. If both of you are interested in a mediation divorce, the next step is to schedule a free consultation about divorce mediation.

To learn more about peaceful divorce, check out these articles about divorce mediation in Pennsylvania.

I wish you and your spouse much peace and well-being!

Dann Johns
Divorce Mediator & Attorney